Let’s get something straight. Nobody plans to become a villain. That’s not how it starts.
One minute you’re minding your business, drinking wine with your friends, trying to survive life like a normal, emotionally stable adult…
And the next?
You’re sitting in a booth at your favorite wine bar with four women who absolutely should not be trusted with powers, building a revenge plan, debating leather aesthetics, and casually wondering if arson is a personality trait.
(It is. I checked. No further questions.)
So let’s find out something important:
Would you actually survive as a villain?
And more importantly… what kind would you be?
Because in my experience? (Which completely comes from writing books. I just wanted to clarify.) Villains don’t start out evil.
They start out done.
Step 1: Your Villain Origin Story
Build Your Supervillain Origin Story (In 10 Seconds)
No deep thinking. No moral dilemmas. No therapy required.
Just vibes.
All you have to do is:
- Pick your answers
- Smash them together
- Accept your new identity with confidence
Your Origin
Your birth month = Why you became a villain
(Yes, this is scientifically questionable. No, I don’t care.)
- January — Someone underestimated you
- February — A situationship went horribly wrong
- March — You were bored and chose chaos
- April — You saw something you weren’t supposed to
- May — You lost someone you loved
- June — You were publicly humiliated (and never forgot)
- July — You trusted the wrong person
- August — You got fired and took it personally
- September — You uncovered a secret you can’t ignore
- October — Revenge seemed reasonable at the time
- November — You were this close to being the hero
- December — You snapped. That’s it. That’s the reason.
Your Power
Your favorite color = Your ability (and your problem)
- Red — Fire manipulation (good luck controlling that)
- Blue — Flight (landing is optional, stability is a rumor)
- Purple — Telekinesis (headaches included, unfortunately)
- Yellow — Light blasts (dramatic entrances only)
- Green — Mind reading (you will regret hearing everything)
- Black — Shadow control (you are the moment… and the danger)
- Pink — Emotional influence (accidental chaos guaranteed)
- Orange — Heat touch (things will catch fire)
- White — Energy shields (you’re the one holding everyone together)
- Gold — Power absorption (slightly terrifying, not gonna lie)
Your Villain Energy
Pick one. Don’t overthink it.
Because villains do not overthink. They spiral creatively.
To relax, I drink: ________________
My sidekick is: ________________ (last pet, current pet, or the one you wish you had)
Your Final Villain Origin Story:
Put it all together:
I became a villain because [birth month reason],
and now I have the power of [color ability].
To relax, I drink [favorite drink],
and my sidekick is [pet name].
Example:
“I became a villain because I was publicly humiliated and never forgot, and now I have the power of fire manipulation.
To relax, I drink iced coffee, and my sidekick is a golden retriever named Waffles.”
That villain is either:
- unstoppable
- or about three emotional breakdowns away from accidentally burning down a Target
(I support both outcomes.)
Your Turn: Drop yours below. The Ladies in Leather are watching. And honestly?
They’re probably judging your drink choice more than your moral alignment.
Step 2: The Unofficial Villain Assessment
Now that you’ve established your origin story… let’s see how you behave under pressure.
Because powers are one thing. Emotional stability is another.
Answer honestly. Your moral compass is already on thin ice.
1. You’re facing the people responsible for ruining your life. You:
- A. Confront them calmly (…for now)
- B. Already have a 12-step revenge plan
- C. Panic slightly, then accidentally set something on fire
- D. Study them first. Information is power.
- E. Cry… and then absolutely destroy them later
2. Your powers start acting up in public. You:
- A. Pretend nothing is happening (it’s happening)
- B. Lean into it. Drama is important.
- C. Apologize while things actively explode
- D. Try to control it but secretly analyze the chaos
- E. Make sure everyone else is okay first
3. Your team is falling apart mid-mission. You:
- A. Take charge immediately
- B. Crack a joke and keep moving
- C. Make it worse somehow (unintentionally)
- D. Rework the plan on the fly
- E. Keep everyone grounded and together
4. Ideal villain outfit:
- A. Structured. Tactical. Intimidating.
- B. Flowy cape. Maximum entrance potential.
- C. Something that looks hot but might catch fire
- D. Sleek, powerful, perfectly styled
- E. Comfortable… but still iconic
5. Your biggest weakness is:
- A. Control issues
- B. Overthinking
- C. Emotions (they’re loud, okay?)
- D. Other people’s chaos
- E. Caring too much
Final Question (Be Honest) Would you:
- Forgive the people who caused the damage
- Expose them
- Or become the villain and make them answer for it
No wrong answers.
(That’s kind of the problem.)
Step 3: Meet Your Villain Match
Now here’s where things get interesting.
Because if you’ve been following along, you’ve probably noticed something. Every villain in this story thought they were doing the right thing. They didn’t wake up evil. They woke up hurt, loyal, angry, and a little bit tired of being ignored.
So if you’re still here… Congrats.
You’ve either:
- gotten way too invested in this quiz
- or you’re starting to realize something uncomfortable
Either way?
Welcome.
You’ll fit in just fine.
Mostly A’s → Hannah (Storm Singer)
You don’t ask for control—you assume it. And when that fails, the sky gets involved.
Strategic. Intense. Accidentally terrifying.
Mostly B’s → Emily (Dark Sky… still workshopping it)
You didn’t mean to become anything.
You just didn’t stop when things started breaking.
Now you’re sarcastic, overthinking, slightly floating above your own life, and committed to a plan you’re not emotionally ready for.
(It made sense at the time.)
Mostly C’s → Madison “Scorch”
You are sunshine with consequences.
Warm, chaotic, and one strong emotion away from spontaneous combustion.
You didn’t choose violence. Violence just… responded to your nervous system.
Mostly D’s → Nessa (Telepathic Titan)
You already ran the numbers.
Twice.
You’re the one making sure everyone else survives their own impulses.
Also: you really wish people would stop thinking so loudly.
Mostly E’s → Jasmine (Mind Mistress)
You’re the reason no one has fully fallen apart yet.
You show up with snacks, patience, and the emotional bandwidth of a saint who occasionally levitates furniture.
Before You Go…
Every villain needs:
✔ A tragic origin
✔ A slightly unstable power
✔ A ride-or-die team
✔ And a solid wine selection
And maybe—just maybe—
A reason they started telling themselves they were the good guy all along.
If you enjoyed this descent into villainy you might like what happens when five women stop asking permission and start making their own rules.
Because sometimes?
The people holding the “hero” title…
aren’t the ones actually saving anyone.
Here’s more about A Girl’s Guide to Supervillainy.
